It was the longest last two months i’ve ever had. Back then, yet, it was like riding a roller coaster. Up and down. Rolling my lungs inside out until i forgot to take a breath. Giving a heart attack. In a sudden. Completely hurt. And yesterday, on my 24th birthday, a bitter reality struck me. You. Hearing you said that you forgot it. Someone texted you. Reminding you about my day. You didn’t love me as much as what you’ve said to me.
I put on my iPod shuffle. Badly, Usher was singing Separated for me. The envision about you came alive.
Then, i remembered you. I’m such a emotional slash sensitive masochist. Trying to get you off my mind but i found it quite hard. I loved seeing you talking about your passion or when you’re laughing. Some things that i couldn’t erase. Because i don’t want to do it. And lies after lies, ok, only white lies [maybe, who knows what you’ve been hiding, dear]. But, i ended up by thinking that you didn’t have to say untrue unnecessary things. You’d be blaming yourself over and over again. And I hated it. Terribly.
It was supposed to be a good birthday. My day, somehow you ruined it. In a good way. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I enjoyed kissing you as usual but it was merely as painful as thinking that I might not be able to see and kiss you like that ever again. You have ruined me for any other men in the world as none of them will ever measure up to who you are. But I guess I shouldn’t have told you that and made your head grows even bigger and bigger as the arrogant, selfish, insensitive man that you are.
I read your old messages. The one that said you missed me. The one that said you loved me. The one that said you were going to marry me. We are barely speaking or seeing to each other. Everything just seems to have lost in translation. It was painful to know that every picture of me and you inside killing me like a cancer. Super slowly.
And if you ever happen to read this, I’m hoping that you have the answers to these. What’s happened to us? Why things didn’t work out?
PS: i love imagining you after you had your wudhu. I just love it. Absolutely love it. Looking forward to see you again. Soon.
Happy 3 monthsversary, dear you.